Have a Happy, Feminist Valentine’s Day
Progressives and feminists don’t need to reflexively bash V-Day.
By Brittany Schulman
February 14, 2008
Valentine’s Day. V-Day. The Day of Love. Qi Qiao Ji (if you’re Chinese). Single Awareness Day. Whatever one wishes to call it, every Feb. 14 people all over the world participate in the one holiday that claims to be solely devoted to love. Despite my self-defined feminist persona, I will admit that I am still a hopeless romantic who gets rather excited about this holiday, even when I’m single. But when I shared my enthusiasm with my co-workers, they looked at me rather strangely. “You’re excited about Valentine’s Day?” they asked in a tone that suggested I had just divulged that I was a Bill O’Reilly fan.
I remembered the endless times I had heard that Valentine’s Day was in complete contradiction to feminism, about how the holiday reinforces the injustices of gay marriage bans, gender inequality, and domestic violence. How many times had I read in pages of everything from The New York Times Magazine to Cosmogirl that women shouldn’t wait around for valentines, that we are perfectly capable people without men at our side? Why was having a valentine necessary if modern women don’t need validation from men? I began to wonder if I could reconcile feminism with full-fledged Valentine’s Day enthusiasm. After much internal deliberation and external research, I concluded that my love of the Day of Love does not conflict with my status as a proud young feminist. Valentine’s Day is not inherently at odds with feminism, as some have tried to suggest. Rather, Valentine’s Day can be used to raise awareness not only about women’s rights, but about a variety of other causes as well. Many humanitarian organization organizations have started to use the holiday to their advantage, and progressives should follow their lead.
Feminists know a woman doesn’t need to have a man to make her happy. Her significant other should not be the sole determinant of her happiness. But many people still assume that a man has to make the first move on Valentine’s Day, which only reinforces notions of weak-willed, submissive women. Is this still what the average woman hopes for? If so, this is a problem with our culture, not with the holiday. I know plenty of women who have reversed the roles and asked men out for Valentine’s Day. Other countries have gotten it right; in many Asian countries, such a Korea and Japan, women actually give men gifts on Valentine’s Day. By denouncing the holiday as a whole, one is pre-supposing that it is a day where the men are in charge. The holiday is not going anywhere anytime soon, but women’s rights advocates have the opportunity to reshape the Valentine’s Day into a more progressive form. A strong woman can enjoy the holiday while acknowledging that it will not make or break her in any way, and that it can be celebrated on her terms.
In fact, groups such as V-Day, which performs The Vagina Monologues every January and February, already use the date to raise awareness about problems such as rape and domestic abuse. Their message is not to renounce love, but to remind Americans that there are still very serious problems in the women’s world today. The group uses the holiday to their advantage. Instead of denouncing the holiday as a one that is as anti-feminist—which is never going to succeed in making it disappear—feminists would be well-advised to embrace the holiday, making it their own in order to bring attention to complicated issues of love and gender.
Many have also argued that another reason the holiday is stuck in the traditional past is that it is a completely heterosexual affair. However, this is simply not the case anymore. The holiday has adapted, and gay rights advocates have given an important role to Valentine’s Day. Specialty stores and an endless number of online websites offer and sell gay-friendly Valentine’s Day cards. GLAAD uses the holiday to raise awareness about most Americans’ heterosexually biased language; it promotes asking about V-Day plans with “partners” rather than boyfriends or girlfriends. Unfortunately, Hallmark has yet to come out with a gay-friendly section. However, what better way to advocate for rights than to highlight this blatant inequality? Why not use Valentine’s Day to talk about the heterosexual biases that are still rampant?
The activist angle of Valentine’s Day has extended to a variety of other human rights issues throughout the world. Groups such as the International Labor Rights Forum protest on behalf of the exploited flower workers who are responsible for the millions of roses sent on Valentine’s Day. Among other things, the group promotes writing and protesting the Colombian government to demand better treatment for their flower workers. A few years ago, Oxfam launched a campaign on Valentine’s Day called “No Dirty Gold” to raise awareness of the pernicious influence of the African black market for gold.
In Iran, the holiday has evolved into a form of political protest. Valentine’s Day is not officially approved by the government, so it has caught on as a signal of revolt against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s oppressive regime. It is just one of the ways for the younger generation to subtly protest the traditions of the regime and their elders. In the recent past, fanatic groups within other countries have persecuted citizens for their decision to take place in Valentine’s Day. In Delhi, India in 2003, stores that rebelled against the tradition and sold Valentine’s Day cards were attacked by extremists from the Shiv Sena Party.
Finally, Valentine’s Day is perhaps one of the best days of the year to remind Americans about the practice of safe sex. Why should progressives reject a holiday that can be directly used to encourage and prove that people need sex education? There is no better time than Valentine’s Day to spread awareness about the need for comprehensive sex education, inexpensive and easy access to birth control and condoms, and similar sexual health issues. H*yas for Choice, for example, the pro-choice group at Georgetown University, sells “condom-grams” (a condom, candy, and a note) in the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day. Funny and cute? Yes. Important? Definitely, especially given that Georgetown refuses to sell condoms on any campus property. The same goes for the AIDS awareness group Bethany Place, which wanted to distribute condoms and safe sex pamphlets at college campuses near Belleville, Illinois. In a dispiriting turn of events, Southwestern Illinois College actually forbade the passing out of condoms—but this only succeeded in shedding more light on the issue of safe sex. These are just a few of many examples of safe sex advocacy on college campuses on Valentine’s Day. In fact, it is not just individual college campuses that are getting involved, as Feb. 14 is also National Condom Awareness Day.
Skeptics and lovers of Valentine’s Day alike should enjoy this Thursday free from guilt over giving in to this incredibly commercial holiday. Spend it with your Valentine, even if it is just your parents or your best friends. Going on a Valentine’s Day date does not make one a hypocritical feminist and buying chocolates for someone you care about can only help the economy. Enjoy the day guilt-free in the knowledge that many organizations use the holiday to raise awareness about a variety of progressive issues, and follow in their footsteps if you so choose. Above all else, enjoy Valentine’s Day simply because holidays are meant to be enjoyed, regardless of their supposed political implications.
Brittany Schulman is a sophomore at Georgetown University and an Editorial Intern at Campus Progress.
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Have you read Princess Bubble?
I just discovered this little gem.
— Martha Adcock - Feb 15, 01:48 PM - #This doesn’t solve the problem of the concept of love and affection as materialism, though, nor that of the view that mated is the only sensible way to be.
— echomikeromeo - Feb 15, 08:56 PM - #Take action to stand in solidarity with Colombia flower workers by going here: www.unionvoice.org/c…
More information is available from the International Labor Rights Forum here: www.laborrights.org/...
— ILRF - Feb 21, 02:40 PM - #I think that being in love is really the way to go- hell, I’m a guy, AND a feminist, and I don’t see anything wrong with V-Day. Of course, I send love especially to the Columbian flower farmers, as no one should be treated poorly.
— KMM - Mar 16, 01:12 AM - #Feminists should all rot in hell where they belong. Or at least, experience inflicted pain during their time on Earth.
— Anonymous Ireland - Apr 16, 07:47 PM - #By the way, there’s no such thing as a “feminist guy”, KMM. Or if there is, it sure as hell doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Ever hear of a Jewish Nazi? No, didn’t think so. A black white supremacist? Nope.
People don’t usually support the agents of their own destruction.
— Anonymous Ireland - Apr 16, 07:49 PM - #