Grade This! - May 22, 2006
The latest news wrap-up: booing McCain, names that are lame, some website’s insane.
By Brian Beutler
Monday May 22, 2006
Internet Takes Break From Proving Missile Hit Pentagon to Focus on Other Bullshit
By declaring that Karl Rove has already been indicted, truthout.org developed a truthiness problem. Moments after releasing the story, the bloggers across the country reacted either gleefully (gullible left-winger), angrily (right winger), or suspiciously (anybody who knows anything about serial fibber Jason Leopold) By the end of the week, truthout posted this: “The time has now come, however, to issue a partial apology to our readership for this story. While we paid very careful attention to the sourcing on this story, we erred in getting too far out in front of the news-cycle.” And then added this qualification. As much as there’d be much joy in Mudville if they were right, the truthouters might as well have made up a surefire scandal-making story accusing George Bush of lying to Patrick Fitzgerald about a stain on Condoleezza Rice’s dress.
truthout: C-
Leopold: F
Impeaching presidents for all the right reasons: A-
McCain Cuts Self, Bleeds, Natives Realize Truth and Burn Kingdom to the Ground
Speaking to graduates of The New School University in New York City —using a speech that was nearly identical to the one he delivered at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia —Senator John McCain brought the members of his audience to their feet…for the express purposes of booing loudly and protesting his support of the Iraq war. Afterwards, he told reporters that the heckling didn’t bother him, that instead he felt “sorry for people who live in a dull world where they can’t listen to the views of others.” I guess he forgot about the whole “using the same exact words he spoke at Liberty” thing, because his words were well enough known to those on hand that the student speaker was able to provide a preview. Perhaps there’s a way to spin this against him, like accuse him of plagiarizing himself…or that, at a deceptively young-looking 69 years old, his creeping senility will render him unable to perform his presidential duties. Nobody wants a demented president, do they?
New School protesters: A
McCain: D-
Slime tactics against McCain another time around: hmmm… what the hell… B+
Winning? Through Elections? That Is a Bold New Strategy
And now, for another example of a vicious dog biting a weak and vulnerable man, the Washington Post offers us the shocking headline noting that “Elections Are Crux Of GOP’s Strategy.” Startling as this news is, the writers of the story go on to tell us that “If Republicans retain Congress in November, Bush advisers note, he could assert that for the third straight election, the party defied historical patterns and popular predictions.” And that would be good for the country, no? Well, never mind that question. Or any important question for that matter. In fact, for a fully unquestioning look into the strategic mind of the traumatized Republican Party, just read the Post. If you want to understand why their party is in such disarray, you’ll have to turn elsewhere.
Post: C
The Post article in question: F
Trauma in a political party mired in right-wing ideology and the culture of corruption: A
Katie Holmes to Name Next Baby “EMPLEH”
One of the fastest-growing new baby names in the United States is “Nevaeh,” according to New York Times reporter and fellow silly-name-recipient Jennifer 8. Lee. In 1999, only four newborns were named Neveah, which has no cultural origin and is merely “heaven” spelled backwards- the novelty of which obviously will exceed the lifespan of the actual child. Yet today it’s the 70th-most popular name, ahead of Sara, Amanda, Vanessa, and Cornhole. Cleveland Kent Evans, President of the American Name Society (a position which required the vanquishing of no less than eight men in armed combat to attain), says its rising popularity is linked to P.O.D. singer Sonny Sandoval, who appeared on MTV in 2000 with newborn daughter Neveah and explained the meaning on air, thus establishing the only lasting impact P.O.D. will ever have on American popular culture.
Atnalym (Mylanta, spelled backwards): B-
Suoblub (Bulbous, spelled backwards): C
Timov (Vomit, spelled backwards): A-
Swolbdop (P.O.D. Blows, spelled backwards): A
Submitted by August J. Pollak, Campus Progress
Got an item you’ve graded and want to submit it for the next wrap-up? Send your submissions to cpwebmaster@campusprogress.org.
Brian Beutler graduated from UC Berkeley in 2004 and has interned at The Washington Monthly and the Brookings Institution. He writes for the Washington City Paper.
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