Grade This!- April 8, 2005

The weekly wrap-up with Rush Limbaugh’s pie-pocrisy, deadly force in Florida, American Idol gender bias, artistic strip joints and more.

Satisfying the Conservative Sweet Tooth

Wednesday night, ultra-conservative and Know Your Right Wing Speakers favorite David Horowitz was hit with a pie while speaking at Butler University in the Hoosier State. This makes Horowitz the third conservative to have food thrown at him on campus in the last ten days. Neoconservative columnist William Kristol was hit with a pie last Tuesday while speaking to students at Earlham College, also in Indiana. And just so you don’t think this is a special Hoosier greeting, Pat Buchanan was doused with salad dressing last Thursday at Western Michigan University. Rush Limbaugh quickly lambasted the left for these acts, saying ,“It is the left, my good friends, that is out there fomenting violence.” Let it be noted, as our sister publication ThinkProgress already did, that Limbaugh equated food being thrown with fomenting violence but previously called the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison a “fraternity prank.” Three times makes a trend, but is this really a trend progressives want to start? These guys may sound like clowns, but let’s leave the pie in the face gag for the circus. Plus, if you keep this up, Horowitz might add a pie ban to his Academic Bill of Rights and ram it through your state’s legislature!

William Kristol: C-
Pat Buchanan: D
David Horowitz: D-
Throwing pies instead of promoting positive discussion on our campuses: D
Pie: A

Marcus Mrowka, George Washington University

In Idaho’s Strip Joints, Cops as Art Critics

When Boise’s City Council decided to shut down local strip clubs, they left an opening (a huge gaping hole) for “serious artistic expression.” A local strip club decided to adopt an “art night” and distributed pads and pencils. Turns out the clientele kinda sucks at drawing, though, so the police – in their infinite aesthetic wisdom—deemed the art to be qualitatively unacceptable. What seems particularly unfair, though, is that the dancers were the ones punished. Three dancers received citations because the (likely intoxicated) men in the audience couldn’t draw. I know that there’s a new craze in education to hold teachers responsible for performance, but should we hold models responsible as well?

Audience’s Artistic Results: F (Apparently)
Police Judging Quality of Art: D-
Citing Dancers for Bad Drawings: F

Matt Singer, University of Montana

Felony Idol

The title of “American Idol” is something we take very seriously these days. There are those who watch the Fox network show religiously and vote hundreds of times a night for their favorite candidate. Many Americans could probably name the last three American Idols but not the last three American presidents. The show’s producers, realizing what an important task it is to choose the next American Idol, take their jobs very seriously. Candidates go through countless auditions and are stringently screened for any past indiscretions that may render them unworthy of “Idol” status. In fact, Frenchie Davis, a second season finalist, was booted by the producers when the media found that she had appeared topless on a website. Recently, another contestant’s past has come back to haunt him: Scott Savol’s 2001 arrest on a charge of felony domestic violence made headlines last week. Savol admitted to assaulting the mother of his young son and making threats to her. So he’s kicked off too, right? Wrong. Apparently the producers of American Idol feel that since Scott was honest with them about his past (as was Frenchie), they have no reason to eliminate him. It appears that while full-figured women of color who flaunt their sexuality must face severe repercussions, men who hit women are still worthy of “Idol” status.

Frenchie Davis’s amazing comeback on Broadway: A+
Fox’s anti-woman double standards: F

Nora Anderson, UNC Chapel Hill

Several million punks suddenly feel lucky

The Florida legislature just approved a bill that gives all Florida citizens the right to shoot people anytime they perceive them as a threat.  Current state law allows residents to "shoot to kill if their property, such as their home or car, is invaded by an unknown assailant."  The law expands the range from inside homes and cars to- well, everywhere, and authorizes use of deadly force “ if a person has a reasonable fear of death or great bodily harm.”  Considering how we mentioned last week that a California woman called 911 over Burger King getting her order wrong, you can imagine how optimistic the idea is of everyone in Florida suddenly becoming an arbiter of life-or-death situations.

Floridian logic: F
Floridian logic, when compared to last week’s: B-

August J. Pollak, Campus Progress

Wingman

Are you getting a lot of emails from Wes Clark, John Kerry, and John Edwards asking you to stand up and fight?  Do you sense that these individuals retain an interest in being President of the United States?  Are you visualizing the word “pathetic”? (Maybe not for Edwards, but probably him, too.)   Do you sense that Al Gore’s “current” network will not be “appointment TV”?  Are you starting to feel like the fighting, inspiring Howard Dean’s chairmanship is on the verge of ineptitude?  Do you also have some difficulties with President Bush?  Wednesday night we all could dream of a leader who is progressive, principled, smart, and cool, but we had to watch “The West Wing.”

Deanish-but-better Jimmy Smits as presidential nominee:  A-
Absurd surprise choice of AA-needing, heart attack-having, non-elected-office-holding, retirement-ready-or-at-least-we’re ready-for-him-to-retire John Spencer as vice-presidential nominee: D
McCainish but liberaler annoying Hawkeye-Joe Tynish Alan Alda as other presidential nominee:  B-
Revived West Wing, with dull old administration giving way to something hot:  B+

Amelia Jones, Portland, Oregon

Heeeeeeere’s Al

Remember Al Gore? Tall, presidential candidate in 2000 turned professor, turned Apple consultant, turned southern hothead, kinda looked like Tom Hanks in Castaway for a while but fatter, keeper of the death curse he gave to Dean’s campaign? Well he’s back! The charisma challenged man who won but lost has a new television network coming. But the name needs a little more flash because “Current” just isn’t doin’ it for me. A catchy slogan might get people to watch. Al, here are some of my ideas: Al Gore TV… My Lockbox Idea Sounds Good Right About Now, Doesn’t It?, Al Gore TV…Tipper Can’t Censor Me!, Al Gore TV…Please Watch, Al Gore TV…I Invented It, Al Gore TV…If Nothing Else is On, Al Gore TV…Better Than Fat Actress, Al Gore TV…Because They Won’t Let Me Host SNL Again.

Winning But Losing: F
Shaving: A
Castaway: C
The lockbox: A
Chances of the network succeeding if it plans to have half hour updates on the most popular Google keywords everyday: D

Marcus Mrowka, George Washington University




Illustration: August J. Pollak