Grade This! - July 17, 2006

The latest news wrap-up: LoJacking your kids and low-browing the Iraq quagmire.

Monday July 17, 2006

Can You Stalk Me Now? Good!

The latest in the war on delinquency: Parents can now track their children via cell phone. Was it really that long ago that parents let their children roam freely around the neighborhood? You know, go out and play stickball in the middle of the street, steal a cooling apple pie off the neighbors’ windowsill, that sort of thing. As cell phone companies scramble to meet the mandate that all new phones must have GPS in order for 911 services to track victims, they now offer that service to customers, for a fee, more than offsetting development costs for the new technology. Increasingly nervous parents are now able to keep tabs on their child, giving them peace of mind, and their children yet another reason to be angry. The technology, while not without it’s merits, is likely to be used by Mom & Dad to keep their kids from hanging out with that sketchy kid with the Camaro who lives by himself, even though he’s only 16. But I guess parents can just say they are following the lead of the NSA. So just remember, if you don’t think your parents should be able to track you down when you stay out after your curfew, your against the War on Terror.

The continuing erosion of privacy: F
GPS, in general: A-
Skittish Parents: D

Submitted by Andrew Bean, Wesleyan University

But Without Lobbyists, They Wouldn’t Know They Need Medicine, Right?

Jack Abramoff may be in gone, but lobbyists spent record sums lobbying the federal government in 2005, according to a report by the non-partisan group “PoliticalMoneyLine.” In a story buried deep in the bottom left four inches of page 5, the Wall Street Journal reported that total federal lobbying expenditures last year totaled $2.36 billion, compared to $2.14 billion spent in the 2004 election year. For the first time, average monthly lobbying expenditures topped 200 million. The winner of the pocket-lining rat race: the healthcare industry. It spent an incredible $356 million lobbying the federal government. To put that in perspective, that would provide over 2.5 million HIV positive patients with anti-retroviral drugs for a year. In the individual organization category, the US Chamber of Commerce wins with flying colors with expenditures of $20.7 million. That’s equivalent to more than 1500 of the average micro-loans entrepreneurs take out to start their own small businesses. It’s good to see these civic-minded associations have have their priorities straight!

AIDS drugs: A
Micro-credit: A
Choosing hill receptions over AIDS drugs: F

Submitted by Julie Brinn Siegel, University of Pennsylvania

Politicians All Look Alike

Poland stands on the verge of having identical twin brothers, Jaroslaw and Lech Kaczynski, as holders of the two most powerful posts in the land. Founders of the conservative Law and Justice Party in Poland, the brothers first shot to fame in 1962 as the stars of a children’s film entitled “The Two Who Stole the Moon,” in which their characters decided that stealing the moon would mean that they wouldn’t have to work. It’s an Eastern European thing, OK?

Their political careers have certainly not been this passive. Active in the later days of the Cold War in Poland’s Solidarity movement, they went on to help iconic leader Lech Walesa take over Poland, though subsequently fell out with him as their politics moved further to the right. In a 1993 poll, Poles rated Jaroslaw as the country’s “biggest political loony,” while brother Lech came in a close second. This did not, however, stop Lech from being offered the post of Justice Minister in the late 1990’s, or later becoming Mayor of Warsaw (where he famously banned gay parades).

Much to the horror of Europeans, Poland’s arch-conservative and Euro-skeptic Law & Justice Party capitalized on popular discontent and corruption in Poland – and perceived European disrespect of the new member state – to take power in 2005. Since winning the election, the coalition has lost seven cabinet members for various reasons (corruption, illness, etc.), the latest being Prime Minister Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, who was forced to resign after making unilateral decisions without consulting any of his governmental partners. With the appointment of Jaroslaw to the post of Prime Minister, Poland has the dubious honor of being able to honestly say that their leading politicians really are practically the same person. 60% of Poles aren’t so sure it is a good thing to have twins in power, while others are more concerned by the fact that in contrast to his brother Lech (who is married with a daughter), Jaroslaw lives at home with his mother and their cat.

Having two aggressively anti-European, anti-gay conservative brothers in charge: F
Not being able to tell your leaders apart: A (well, on the hilarity scale….)
Being Prime Minister while living at home with your mom: D- (at least it’s kind of cute)

Submitted by Raffaello Pantucci

Putin: Iraq’s a Deadly Hellhole. Isn’t That Hilarious?

Stand-up is alive and well in the Kremlin Comedy Club. As the leaders of the G8 nations met to discuss the major issues confronting a crisis-enshrouded world, including the emergence of World War III, it’s nice to know that humor still holds a vital place on the global agenda. During a press conference involving President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin, Bush gently reminded the Russian President that America would like to see Russia move towards more freedom of press and religion “like Iraq.” Cued by the laughter in the audience, Putin followed the set-up with a perfect roast: “We certainly would not want to have the same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, quite honestly.” Oh, snap! Yet despite the fact that Iraq serves better as a punch line than a functioning democracy, the sadder message is that our foreign policy and foreign credibility is a joke as well. When the leader of a corrupt semi-autocratic, nuke-laden, Iran-supporting, hegemony-seeking state can make the United States seem like Teller to their Penn we’re in a lot of trouble. And that’s not so funny.

Russia’s Status as a Fun Party Host: B
United States’ Status as a Welcome Party Guest: D
Bush’s witty riposte to Putin’s jab (“Just wait…”): F

Submitted by Ryan Werder, University of Michigan

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