The Campus Progress Inexcusable Misquote Contest!

The Results are in! Check out the contest winners!

Update! Some of the latest entries:

President Reagan Calls For New Taxes

In a move that stunned his fellow Republicans, President Ronald Reagan today said higher taxes would please him immensely. Noting that some Democrats are calling for higher taxes on wealthy Americans, Reagan applauded the proposal, urging congressional Democrats to be bold. ‘’Go ahead,’’ the Gipper said, as Republicans gasped in dismay. ‘’Make my day.’’

Mr. Reagan did not elaborate as to why higher taxes on his wealthy supporters would make him so happy.

-Paul Begala

 
Gore likens Reno to King Kong

In a press conference today, ostensibly to discuss the unfolding campaign finance scandal, Vice President Al Gore repeatedly warned that “there’s no controlling legal authority”—an apocalyptic warning that America’s chief legal authority, Attorney General Janet Reno, is an out-of-control behemoth, rumbling across the landscape and devouring everything in her path.

-David Halperin

The Campus Progress community had a fantastic first National Student Conference earlier this month. The panels were engaging, students spoke their minds, and everyone was energized. So right-wing groups had their work cut out to spin the whole thing against us. They’ve tried, but it’s been pretty pathetic.

Speaking at the conference, Campus Progress’s Keisha Senter noted that over the course of the year students had requested from Campus Progress a broad range of speakers, and she added, to laughter, that one student even requested Ashley Olsen. Which led the National Review to report that Ms. Olsen was one of Campus Progress’s “newest stars.” So we suppose that if someone comes into our ice cream shop and asks for chicken mint ice cream, it instantly becomes one of our “newest flavors.”

Even more fanciful were our friends at CNSNews.com, who announced that Paul Begala said “Republicans ‘want to kill us’” during his panel appearance. Of course, Begala never said it. But although we quickly demonstrated, in multimedia fashion, that CNSNews was wrong, the lie spread through the entire right-wing blogosemisphere, from Drudge and Rush to Michelle Malkin, the Washington Times to TownHall and Free Republic. CNSNews even claimed that Begala’s remark “created a stir,” refined by one blogger into the fake detail that Begala’s remark “stunned his audience,” when in fact we heard no gasps.

Even after Begala, having returned from a fishing trip to find himself at the center of this stormette, wrote an article on our site reaffirming that he never said it, CNSNews decided, absurdly, to keep arguing the point. Although they had never called us or Begala for comment before publishing their initial story, they somehow decided to call us to verify that the piece on our site was actually authored by Begala (as opposed, we guess, to us just making it up). We took the opportunity to request a retraction of the original story. CNSNews decided, in response, to report our request for a retraction – as if that was news, or at least CNSNews! But still, no retraction.

So inspired by CNSNews.com’s bold leap in alleged journalism, we’re bringing you our best contest since you named Ann Coulter’s next book. All you have to do is write a short fake news blurb about a real quote that you’ve obviously distorted for no reason other than to make the speaker look bad. The winner will be selected by a blue-ribbon panel of judges, including random Campus Progress and American Progress staff members and quote victim Paul Begala himself.

The rules:

1. The quote must be real, and well-known enough to be found in basic web searches.
   
2. It must be obvious to anyone above a six-grade reading level what the person making the quote actually meant.
   
3. Your “interpretation” can be as seemingly outrageous as possible, but must be at least technically plausible.
   
4. Misinterpreted or misreported quotes already pushed by the mainstream media- and there are many- are excluded. We want originality here.
   
5. Entries can be just a headline if the distortion of a famous quote is blatant enough, or a headline with a news blurb of no more than 100 words.
   
6. Misheard rock lyrics (“scuze me while I kiss this guy”) are for a different contest.

The winner will receive (1) Paul Begala’s best-selling book, “Is Our Children Learning? The Case Against George W. Bush,” autographed by the author;(2) a Campus Progress t-shirt; and (3) a Campus Progress tote bag. Honorable mentions will get … mentioned.

A few examples to start you off:

President Roosevelt Encourages Americans to “Be Afraid”
Americans were shocked this week to hear President Roosevelt, in his inaugural address, provide ample support to terrorists by declaring that the nation should be terrified of all things around them. Americans should even be afraid, stated the President, “of fear itself.”

Lincoln accuses Pierce Administration officials of sexual liaisons
Before settling down to a dull explication of the progress and objectives of the Civil War, President Lincoln opened a Pennsylvania speech by offering veiled charges that, in 1856, a quartet of officials in Franklin Pierce’s administration engaged in sexual couplings. “Four score,” Lincoln told the startled crowd, “and seven years ago!”

King tells Capital throng: who you are depends on your favorite cartoon character – Speculation that southerners Goofy, Yosemite Sam will join Selma march
“I have a dream,” King said, “that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

Astronaut endorses male-only lunar colony
Calling a man’s landing on the Moon a “giant leap for mankind,” NASA Cosmonaut Neil Armstrong set a vision of the future in which a single-gender society of rugged individuals could survive on the harsh wasteland of the Moon. Scientists are unsure of the success of such a project as well as the time it may take to enact, but agree with Armstrong that such a plan is indeed “one small step for man.”

Or some headline-only examples:

Reagan, Determined to Expand Autobahn Highway Construction into Communist Nation, Demands Gorbachev “Tear Down Wall”

President Kennedy Renounces American Citizenship – Declares, in German, to be Resident of Berlin

Or:

Human Being in 2005 actually calls for resurrection of 1950’s witchhunt that undermined American traditions and severely damaged fabric of U.S. society
“Liberals like to scream and howl about McCarthyism, I say let’s give them some….it’s time for a new McCarthyism.” – Ann Coulter, speech at CPAC conference, 2/18/05

Wait, sorry, that is in fact the correct interpretation of Coulter’s quote. Not a valid entry. Never mind.

Legal blather:

Employees, consultants, and interns of the Center for American Progress may enter, but are not eligible to win. Same for employees, consultants, and interns of CNSNews.com, ‘cause we said so.

By entering the contest you agree to the contest rules, as contained in this announcement. Selection of contest winners is in the sole discretion of Campus Progress. The grand prize winner must consent to Campus Progress publicizing his or her actual name.

Void where prohibited. Void outside of the U.S. 50 states and the District of Columbia. Void in Arizona because their state law on contests is too complicated. Prizes are non-transferable. Not affiliated with Miss Quote Transcription Services.

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